Ive got a headache tonight. I am having a real hard time trying to figure out what about me confuses people. Why do I constantly get misunderstood..
No I'm not mad
Yes I am deep in thought 80 percent of the time. Sorry it drives me crazy also.
no I'm not in a bad mood
yes I get very serious about things I'm passionate about.
Yes I would rather hang with men then women
No that mean I cant get along with women.
Yes I do talk to a lot of people..
No that does not mean im incapable of being commited to one.
yes I do not like to be given flowers
no I do like to be given my favorite kind of flowers
No I don't like to wake up at 6am and then feel so tired that I have to crash by 9
Yes I do live to not get out of bed before noon on Saturdays or my days off lol or any day
No I dont like to be on cloud 76 all the time
Yes I am a happy person
Yes I love to be alone at times
No that does not mean Im too good for people
Yes I eat everything with tabasco sauce.
No does that not mean I dont like your food. I put it on all of my food also.
yes I would much rather some nights sit in my room and write the night away and listen to music.
no that does not mean I dont LIKE you or too good to come down and talk with you!
Yes I have a addiction to my phone. Its never more than a foot away from me.
No does that mean I couldnt live without it. never mind im lying. So what!
No that does not mean that you are boring me if your talking to me and Im on it.
Yes it does mean I have a tad of add and im goggling the meaning of a word you just said to me.
Yes I like you
No I do not feel I need to be around you or have to talk to you all the time.
and again and again Yes I love to sleep
No does it mean Im a depressed person
Yes I do have a problem with faith
No I am not afraid to believe
Yes I do say im sorry you feel this way
No I dont appoligize for how I am.
Yes I have a headache
No that does not mean I have allergies ,
It just a sign I need to go be alone ....
and write
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Memory of spring
I was a tree bare in the middle of winter -holding onto that one memory of spring. Holding onto the hope of yesterday. I feel so heavy hearted , so heavy is the load I bared. The chains have been removed. The leaves have fallen! All except for that one memory. In my quietness, in my inner strength I trust in my hope for tomorrow. The winter has come but spring is just around the corner. I shed the old and ready for what spring has to bring. All the time I let slip away... If there was never a spring I know I still am deep rooted into the ground, ,my roots grow deep and my fruit I bore plentiful! I will hold onto that one leaf that one hope, that one memory of spring.
You might not be his/her first
You might not be his/her first...
You might not be his/her first, his last or his only... and yes he has loved before and just might love again. But if he wants to be with you now what else matters?? Yea he's not perfect, and you arent either. But if he can make you laugh at least once and admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He might not quote poetry and he might not be thinking of you every momment. But he will give you a part of him you can break. Dont hurt him, dont change him, dont exspect more than he can give, and dont analyze him... Smile when he makes u happy, tell him when he makes u mad ... and miss him when hes not there! Because you might have the been his/ her first ,last, or surely not his only, but you are his now. Cherish it! Any way you look, its a lesson learned in the end.
You might not be his/her first, his last or his only... and yes he has loved before and just might love again. But if he wants to be with you now what else matters?? Yea he's not perfect, and you arent either. But if he can make you laugh at least once and admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He might not quote poetry and he might not be thinking of you every momment. But he will give you a part of him you can break. Dont hurt him, dont change him, dont exspect more than he can give, and dont analyze him... Smile when he makes u happy, tell him when he makes u mad ... and miss him when hes not there! Because you might have the been his/ her first ,last, or surely not his only, but you are his now. Cherish it! Any way you look, its a lesson learned in the end.
A REAL man for me
A real man for me
Unconditional love
Not afraid of affection or support
Pursues their passion
Takes leadership in a self-sacrificing way
Loves me when Im weak and takes me higher than any high
Embraces and honors the act of responsibility
Doesn't try to prove himself but is simply confident as he walks in the fear of the Lord
Not afraid or takes offense to being held to a higher standard
A real man still is supportive when im wrong
When the world has pushed me so low he is strong and takes me by the wrist and pulls me back .
Supports me in my successes as well as failuress
When I look into his eyes I feel comfort when I feel at my worse
Sweet attention,
tenderness,
will give his last because he thinks of you first
Is so anchored in trusting God that when the storms of life come he isnt moved.
Treats his sisters and mother with as much respect as he would treat a prospective wife
Not only respects but appreciates a young lady's purity and innocence
He sees problems and doesnt run but goes straight to the problem solver
Doesn't put me down with his actions, attitude, words, or his strength...
but on the contrary, he affirms and builds me up
I need a real man...
when Im ready to be a
real woman
Unconditional love
Not afraid of affection or support
Pursues their passion
Takes leadership in a self-sacrificing way
Loves me when Im weak and takes me higher than any high
Embraces and honors the act of responsibility
Doesn't try to prove himself but is simply confident as he walks in the fear of the Lord
Not afraid or takes offense to being held to a higher standard
A real man still is supportive when im wrong
When the world has pushed me so low he is strong and takes me by the wrist and pulls me back .
Supports me in my successes as well as failuress
When I look into his eyes I feel comfort when I feel at my worse
Sweet attention,
tenderness,
will give his last because he thinks of you first
Is so anchored in trusting God that when the storms of life come he isnt moved.
Treats his sisters and mother with as much respect as he would treat a prospective wife
Not only respects but appreciates a young lady's purity and innocence
He sees problems and doesnt run but goes straight to the problem solver
Doesn't put me down with his actions, attitude, words, or his strength...
but on the contrary, he affirms and builds me up
I need a real man...
when Im ready to be a
real woman
Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.....
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others."Nelson Mandela
Fear is a powerful thing.
Its actually very surreal that a man can feel this way about a person. Its suppose to feels amazing...
It feels what I always wanted to feel.
I get emotional just thinking about you, how you will make me feel, and how you have made me feel.
Its just so surreal.
This is def something I don't know...
Something Ive never witnessed .It something Ive always wanted .
I don't know anything at all..
I know nothing because I fear...
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others."Nelson Mandela
Fear is a powerful thing.
Its actually very surreal that a man can feel this way about a person. Its suppose to feels amazing...
It feels what I always wanted to feel.
I get emotional just thinking about you, how you will make me feel, and how you have made me feel.
Its just so surreal.
This is def something I don't know...
Something Ive never witnessed .It something Ive always wanted .
I don't know anything at all..
I know nothing because I fear...
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Canada Day 1
So dang today started off soooo crazy. First I stayed up all night packing and finishing up everything. 2ND only slept 1 hour then had to get up to go cause my dad thinks I needed to get to the air port before anyone else in Sacramento. 3rd I over packed by 50 pounds and 1 bag. look your bag can only be under 50 pounds I guess. Then they allow only two bags at the price of 40 bucks. RETARDED! I had 3 bags. only one was of weight. ( my shoe bag)I have to pay to fly and go figure I'm going to bring clothes. I brought way too much. My dad was pissed at me! but he wont see me till April so hopefully he forgets by that time. hopefully.
So I jumped on my plane to Chicago. I don't even remember the emergency run through. My butt was knocked until Chicago. Then to make things even better my 2ND flight to Canada only had like 50 people on it. I had no one on my row. I was stretched across those seats. I woke up to the stewardess waking me up saying,welcome to Canada you need to fill out your customs papers. The lady I working/ shadowing with here picked me up and couldn't stop laughing at me when she saw me with all this luggage. She started clowning me before I could lift the trunk up! Then said, I hope your ready for this!"
Am I ready? I'm ready? I'm tired of doing things on my own. I'm ready to find direction in my life ,purpose, and ready to walk in it. Today was a good day. The house is nice I'm in. I have a work out area and one family room area. Its perfect. We both like our space and we both have it!
I'm excited for what is in store...
p.s it 4 degrees tonight! brrrrrrr!
So I jumped on my plane to Chicago. I don't even remember the emergency run through. My butt was knocked until Chicago. Then to make things even better my 2ND flight to Canada only had like 50 people on it. I had no one on my row. I was stretched across those seats. I woke up to the stewardess waking me up saying,welcome to Canada you need to fill out your customs papers. The lady I working/ shadowing with here picked me up and couldn't stop laughing at me when she saw me with all this luggage. She started clowning me before I could lift the trunk up! Then said, I hope your ready for this!"
Am I ready? I'm ready? I'm tired of doing things on my own. I'm ready to find direction in my life ,purpose, and ready to walk in it. Today was a good day. The house is nice I'm in. I have a work out area and one family room area. Its perfect. We both like our space and we both have it!
I'm excited for what is in store...
p.s it 4 degrees tonight! brrrrrrr!
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