Ive got something on my mind.
When it comes to relationships is it ok to settle?
Ive always heard no!!! No you do not settle. You find the possible best for you. You deserve the best. Ive told myself that and Ive been raised to believe just that. But today I was reading when Jesus picked his disciples they were all from colorful back grounds.
I have seen and met great men along my journey, I have passed up rich, poor, stable, and workn hard to get to stable, I have met sold out for God men, and then those who still trying to figure out if God even exist. But in in all, I have men who have cared for me and I haven't been through what others have been. Ive never experienced the ridiculous stories. Ive been honestly covered. But then I have fallen short I feel. I have held my standards sooo high, basically maybe unreachable by even the most above caliber man. Where is that middle ground. Where is that pocket of growth that we are all going to need? For I my God am no way perfect, for I have soo much room to grow as a women, as someones girl, as Gods daughter. Would a man be settling with me if where I am, just where I am right now ?
No I dont want my future husband to settle, no I do not want God to just settle with me, no I don't want to settle with where I am as a Woman right now. I want to be the best woman I was created to be. I want to be the best wife, mother, friend, and daughter I can be.
hmmm Ive got something on my mind tonight.
Im a work in progress!
He is a work in progress!
God work your progress in me
No I am not settling, the mans heart is where I will in fall in love with
If his heart is clinged onto Gods then I will have to seek God to beat with it.
God I want to have my heart so entwined with yours that He will have to search your heart to get mine.
I dream, and I believe...
No limits
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
better me
I wet my brush with brand new paint; once again do I start
For though it hurts to paint sometimes, I vow to never cease
If not, I cannot truly live to create that masterpiece
A work of art full of promise: vivid, clever and free
I must create the greatest masterpiece: a better 'Me'
For though it hurts to paint sometimes, I vow to never cease
If not, I cannot truly live to create that masterpiece
A work of art full of promise: vivid, clever and free
I must create the greatest masterpiece: a better 'Me'
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Headache
Ive got a headache tonight. I am having a real hard time trying to figure out what about me confuses people. Why do I constantly get misunderstood..
No I'm not mad
Yes I am deep in thought 80 percent of the time. Sorry it drives me crazy also.
no I'm not in a bad mood
yes I get very serious about things I'm passionate about.
Yes I would rather hang with men then women
No that mean I cant get along with women.
Yes I do talk to a lot of people..
No that does not mean im incapable of being commited to one.
yes I do not like to be given flowers
no I do like to be given my favorite kind of flowers
No I don't like to wake up at 6am and then feel so tired that I have to crash by 9
Yes I do live to not get out of bed before noon on Saturdays or my days off lol or any day
No I dont like to be on cloud 76 all the time
Yes I am a happy person
Yes I love to be alone at times
No that does not mean Im too good for people
Yes I eat everything with tabasco sauce.
No does that not mean I dont like your food. I put it on all of my food also.
yes I would much rather some nights sit in my room and write the night away and listen to music.
no that does not mean I dont LIKE you or too good to come down and talk with you!
Yes I have a addiction to my phone. Its never more than a foot away from me.
No does that mean I couldnt live without it. never mind im lying. So what!
No that does not mean that you are boring me if your talking to me and Im on it.
Yes it does mean I have a tad of add and im goggling the meaning of a word you just said to me.
Yes I like you
No I do not feel I need to be around you or have to talk to you all the time.
and again and again Yes I love to sleep
No does it mean Im a depressed person
Yes I do have a problem with faith
No I am not afraid to believe
Yes I do say im sorry you feel this way
No I dont appoligize for how I am.
Yes I have a headache
No that does not mean I have allergies ,
It just a sign I need to go be alone ....
and write
No I'm not mad
Yes I am deep in thought 80 percent of the time. Sorry it drives me crazy also.
no I'm not in a bad mood
yes I get very serious about things I'm passionate about.
Yes I would rather hang with men then women
No that mean I cant get along with women.
Yes I do talk to a lot of people..
No that does not mean im incapable of being commited to one.
yes I do not like to be given flowers
no I do like to be given my favorite kind of flowers
No I don't like to wake up at 6am and then feel so tired that I have to crash by 9
Yes I do live to not get out of bed before noon on Saturdays or my days off lol or any day
No I dont like to be on cloud 76 all the time
Yes I am a happy person
Yes I love to be alone at times
No that does not mean Im too good for people
Yes I eat everything with tabasco sauce.
No does that not mean I dont like your food. I put it on all of my food also.
yes I would much rather some nights sit in my room and write the night away and listen to music.
no that does not mean I dont LIKE you or too good to come down and talk with you!
Yes I have a addiction to my phone. Its never more than a foot away from me.
No does that mean I couldnt live without it. never mind im lying. So what!
No that does not mean that you are boring me if your talking to me and Im on it.
Yes it does mean I have a tad of add and im goggling the meaning of a word you just said to me.
Yes I like you
No I do not feel I need to be around you or have to talk to you all the time.
and again and again Yes I love to sleep
No does it mean Im a depressed person
Yes I do have a problem with faith
No I am not afraid to believe
Yes I do say im sorry you feel this way
No I dont appoligize for how I am.
Yes I have a headache
No that does not mean I have allergies ,
It just a sign I need to go be alone ....
and write
Monday, March 16, 2009
Memory of spring
I was a tree bare in the middle of winter -holding onto that one memory of spring. Holding onto the hope of yesterday. I feel so heavy hearted , so heavy is the load I bared. The chains have been removed. The leaves have fallen! All except for that one memory. In my quietness, in my inner strength I trust in my hope for tomorrow. The winter has come but spring is just around the corner. I shed the old and ready for what spring has to bring. All the time I let slip away... If there was never a spring I know I still am deep rooted into the ground, ,my roots grow deep and my fruit I bore plentiful! I will hold onto that one leaf that one hope, that one memory of spring.
You might not be his/her first
You might not be his/her first...
You might not be his/her first, his last or his only... and yes he has loved before and just might love again. But if he wants to be with you now what else matters?? Yea he's not perfect, and you arent either. But if he can make you laugh at least once and admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He might not quote poetry and he might not be thinking of you every momment. But he will give you a part of him you can break. Dont hurt him, dont change him, dont exspect more than he can give, and dont analyze him... Smile when he makes u happy, tell him when he makes u mad ... and miss him when hes not there! Because you might have the been his/ her first ,last, or surely not his only, but you are his now. Cherish it! Any way you look, its a lesson learned in the end.
You might not be his/her first, his last or his only... and yes he has loved before and just might love again. But if he wants to be with you now what else matters?? Yea he's not perfect, and you arent either. But if he can make you laugh at least once and admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He might not quote poetry and he might not be thinking of you every momment. But he will give you a part of him you can break. Dont hurt him, dont change him, dont exspect more than he can give, and dont analyze him... Smile when he makes u happy, tell him when he makes u mad ... and miss him when hes not there! Because you might have the been his/ her first ,last, or surely not his only, but you are his now. Cherish it! Any way you look, its a lesson learned in the end.
A REAL man for me
A real man for me
Unconditional love
Not afraid of affection or support
Pursues their passion
Takes leadership in a self-sacrificing way
Loves me when Im weak and takes me higher than any high
Embraces and honors the act of responsibility
Doesn't try to prove himself but is simply confident as he walks in the fear of the Lord
Not afraid or takes offense to being held to a higher standard
A real man still is supportive when im wrong
When the world has pushed me so low he is strong and takes me by the wrist and pulls me back .
Supports me in my successes as well as failuress
When I look into his eyes I feel comfort when I feel at my worse
Sweet attention,
tenderness,
will give his last because he thinks of you first
Is so anchored in trusting God that when the storms of life come he isnt moved.
Treats his sisters and mother with as much respect as he would treat a prospective wife
Not only respects but appreciates a young lady's purity and innocence
He sees problems and doesnt run but goes straight to the problem solver
Doesn't put me down with his actions, attitude, words, or his strength...
but on the contrary, he affirms and builds me up
I need a real man...
when Im ready to be a
real woman
Unconditional love
Not afraid of affection or support
Pursues their passion
Takes leadership in a self-sacrificing way
Loves me when Im weak and takes me higher than any high
Embraces and honors the act of responsibility
Doesn't try to prove himself but is simply confident as he walks in the fear of the Lord
Not afraid or takes offense to being held to a higher standard
A real man still is supportive when im wrong
When the world has pushed me so low he is strong and takes me by the wrist and pulls me back .
Supports me in my successes as well as failuress
When I look into his eyes I feel comfort when I feel at my worse
Sweet attention,
tenderness,
will give his last because he thinks of you first
Is so anchored in trusting God that when the storms of life come he isnt moved.
Treats his sisters and mother with as much respect as he would treat a prospective wife
Not only respects but appreciates a young lady's purity and innocence
He sees problems and doesnt run but goes straight to the problem solver
Doesn't put me down with his actions, attitude, words, or his strength...
but on the contrary, he affirms and builds me up
I need a real man...
when Im ready to be a
real woman
Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.....
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others."Nelson Mandela
Fear is a powerful thing.
Its actually very surreal that a man can feel this way about a person. Its suppose to feels amazing...
It feels what I always wanted to feel.
I get emotional just thinking about you, how you will make me feel, and how you have made me feel.
Its just so surreal.
This is def something I don't know...
Something Ive never witnessed .It something Ive always wanted .
I don't know anything at all..
I know nothing because I fear...
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others."Nelson Mandela
Fear is a powerful thing.
Its actually very surreal that a man can feel this way about a person. Its suppose to feels amazing...
It feels what I always wanted to feel.
I get emotional just thinking about you, how you will make me feel, and how you have made me feel.
Its just so surreal.
This is def something I don't know...
Something Ive never witnessed .It something Ive always wanted .
I don't know anything at all..
I know nothing because I fear...
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Canada Day 1
So dang today started off soooo crazy. First I stayed up all night packing and finishing up everything. 2ND only slept 1 hour then had to get up to go cause my dad thinks I needed to get to the air port before anyone else in Sacramento. 3rd I over packed by 50 pounds and 1 bag. look your bag can only be under 50 pounds I guess. Then they allow only two bags at the price of 40 bucks. RETARDED! I had 3 bags. only one was of weight. ( my shoe bag)I have to pay to fly and go figure I'm going to bring clothes. I brought way too much. My dad was pissed at me! but he wont see me till April so hopefully he forgets by that time. hopefully.
So I jumped on my plane to Chicago. I don't even remember the emergency run through. My butt was knocked until Chicago. Then to make things even better my 2ND flight to Canada only had like 50 people on it. I had no one on my row. I was stretched across those seats. I woke up to the stewardess waking me up saying,welcome to Canada you need to fill out your customs papers. The lady I working/ shadowing with here picked me up and couldn't stop laughing at me when she saw me with all this luggage. She started clowning me before I could lift the trunk up! Then said, I hope your ready for this!"
Am I ready? I'm ready? I'm tired of doing things on my own. I'm ready to find direction in my life ,purpose, and ready to walk in it. Today was a good day. The house is nice I'm in. I have a work out area and one family room area. Its perfect. We both like our space and we both have it!
I'm excited for what is in store...
p.s it 4 degrees tonight! brrrrrrr!
So I jumped on my plane to Chicago. I don't even remember the emergency run through. My butt was knocked until Chicago. Then to make things even better my 2ND flight to Canada only had like 50 people on it. I had no one on my row. I was stretched across those seats. I woke up to the stewardess waking me up saying,welcome to Canada you need to fill out your customs papers. The lady I working/ shadowing with here picked me up and couldn't stop laughing at me when she saw me with all this luggage. She started clowning me before I could lift the trunk up! Then said, I hope your ready for this!"
Am I ready? I'm ready? I'm tired of doing things on my own. I'm ready to find direction in my life ,purpose, and ready to walk in it. Today was a good day. The house is nice I'm in. I have a work out area and one family room area. Its perfect. We both like our space and we both have it!
I'm excited for what is in store...
p.s it 4 degrees tonight! brrrrrrr!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Bag Lady
wrote this a year ago wanted to place this on my new account..
im a bag lady
I have been a bag lady and Ive been crowdn space...
left no room for blessings to come
Im ready
wow so much on my mind tonight
I havent been able to let go of past relationships
I cant get rid of past pains
I cant shake them old skeletons
acceptance
true love
true assurance
what can make things better
Forgiveness
peace of mind is my desire
Confidence
pure confidence
The time is come to speak what is on mind. Time is come to get rid of those bags
they are filled with pain, resentment, hurts, hate, depression
I rap myself in pure happiness
Ive protected myself too long and the load has been heavy
I am ready to drop them one by one and now the sun shines on me.
I am ready to no longer crowd space
No one knows like I know what God has done for me!
im a bag lady
I have been a bag lady and Ive been crowdn space...
left no room for blessings to come
Im ready
wow so much on my mind tonight
I havent been able to let go of past relationships
I cant get rid of past pains
I cant shake them old skeletons
acceptance
true love
true assurance
what can make things better
Forgiveness
peace of mind is my desire
Confidence
pure confidence
The time is come to speak what is on mind. Time is come to get rid of those bags
they are filled with pain, resentment, hurts, hate, depression
I rap myself in pure happiness
Ive protected myself too long and the load has been heavy
I am ready to drop them one by one and now the sun shines on me.
I am ready to no longer crowd space
No one knows like I know what God has done for me!
I know better so I do better..
lol yea right! Sad I wish it was true. I know better so I have no excuse now... Yesterday I was having a discusion with my friend about his lifestyle. A lifestyle he told me he was going to give up/ gave up. I trusted his word. He has never given me a reason not to. But for me being the such of creature of patterns and behavioral changes I knew this was not the truth. So I asked him. He looked at me . Didnt say a word, but he knew that I knew and now im dissapointed. Why? Not because of dishonesty. Because he simply knows better. Deserves better, and is worth more than the choices he is making in his life. I swear his raw talent with people, his work and his passions cant be touched right now. It oozes from his pores! Thats right oozes. Gods calling so strong on his life. I know it sounds cliche' . But its so true and evident. Will he make the choice to do better? I pray and hope so. Im speaking to myself.. Will I LaShon Lynea make the choice to do better? I know better. I know better . I KNOW better! I have NO excuses now...
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